One of my favourite musical artists has to be the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan. I mean, who doesn’t like a three chord progression accompanied by a cracking nasally voice that sounds like someone has taken too much nasal spray and then pinched their nose. And Bob Dylan’s music is great music to play at the fabbest of parties. Especially when you’re trying to slow dance to “Idiot Wind” (which is like trying to slow dance to “Freebird”) and you’re accidentally stepping on your partner’s feet because you’re a clunky oaf. Then suddenly, it’s the refrain, and you croon out “You’re an iiiiiiiiiiiidiot, babe, it’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.” And even while you’re making a fool of yourself at the party, Bob’s still icebox; he’s still as cool as hell.
So, I composed some simple steps to help make you a total stud, like Bob and me.  Well, maybe you won’t be as great as we are, but I guess your coolness will at least let you feel comfortable when you listen to Bob’s records. Though, many people fail on this path of enlightenment, for example, Donovan (who has still been trying to promote Hurdy Gurdy Man since 1967). Try if you dare:
1) Change your name. Say your name is something like Alecsander Chixnstixman, then take your first name and shorten it to something with only 3 letters, like Ale and then take your last name out and steal a name from some poet/author. Say you choose someone like Elizabeth Barrett Browning; so then you’re new name should be Alec Barrett.  REMEMBER! Always choose a writer that is well known and uses long words that no one understands. It’ll make you seem smart.
2) Learn the chords A, E, G, C, and D. Then write a song about how much you hate women and problems in society using only three of those 5 chords. Throw in an A minor to stun the audience.
3) Learn how to put a harmonica around your neck. Once you’ve completed that task, learn how to blow air into the harmonica to produce a wheezing, dying sound.
4) Sing like you have an extreme nasal cavity. Sometimes people will throw money at you to get you to stop.
5) Pretend you’re a hobo, even though you wear 200$ Ray Ban™ glasses and 100$ leather shoes. Pretending you’re a hobo will convince people you actually are a hobo. Sometimes they may throw money at you.  C:
6) Make up some cool phrases and quotes. YOU NEED TO BE QUOTED. For example say something like “A poem is a naked person... Some people say that I am a poet.” No one will understand it, but it just makes it seem genius that way.
7) Bash Donovan. Anytime something comes up about him be the first to put him down. The reason for this is because it’s fun to watch a person, who can describe sunshine in at least 30 different ways, cry. Note: Remember to be more successful than him, but remember that that’s not hard since he only had 3 hits.
8) Improve on your grammars. Say words like “know’d” and phrases like “Aren’t you playing with them no more?” People will think you’re the next Woody Guthrie!
If these steps fail, then I guess you aren’t suited to be as cool as Bob and I. Maybe you should give up on becoming cool and sing songs about sipping tea and lazing in the sunshine. At least then you would know that Donovan wants to hang out with you, though that isn’t saying much.